Bottoms Up!

What the type of water bottle you carry says about you

No water bottle

People that don’t carry a water bottle are, you guessed it, dehydrated. Dehydration often leads to sadness. Not carrying a water bottle also probably means they are careless and they rely on other people for a number of things. They also claim that Gatorade is good for you to protect their no-water-bottle image.


People who own Hydroflasks are very trendy, and buying name-brand things is a something very important to them. They post on instagram a lot, especially every time they go on a hike/skiing. The hashtag #stayhydrated is in their twitter bio.


People who carry a Nalgene water bottle are very proud of the fact they own a Nalgene. Despite this, they don’t really ever remember buying it—their Nalgene has just always been there. People who own Nalgenes hike a lot. They also pee a lot. They love to take pictures of things they find in nature and put them on their snapchat stories, and their horoscope is a very serious matter.

Nalgene with stickers

People who own a Nalgene with stickers all over it usually aren’t afraid of commitment. They love the get-to-know-me icebreakers and activities you do at the beginning of the school year that most people dread. They are very attached to their water bottles and are very afraid of losing them. They probably named their water bottle, and if they didn’t, they refer to their sticker-covered Nalgene as their baby.

Plastic water bottles

People who use plastic water bottles hate the earth, and have very low self esteem and wear only black. They’re unorganized; paper is crumpled and shoved into their backpack and their bedroom is so messy you can’t see the floor. They play a lot of video games and their controller is stained with Cheeto Puff’s cheese.

Camelbak backpack

Very few people own Camelbak backpacks with a built in water bottle (yes, the one with the very long flexible straw). They are very outdoors-y people. They wear sandals that you could hike in and they love to snowshoe. Unsurprisingly, they pee more than people with Nalgenes. It goes without saying, people with Camelbak backpacks are the life of the party.