“She told me that she told her…”
“I heard so-and-so got in a fight with her boyfriend.”
“Not to be a gossip, but…”
These are all things I hear far too often. And frankly, I’ve started to let it go in one ear and out the other. But that doesn’t make it any less annoying.
While I’m not perfect either, and I’ve been known to indulge in gossip occasionally, in recent years I’ve learned how utterly pointless most of it is. There’s much better things to be doing with your time, and spending it on a substance-less pile of garbage, most of which is usually made up, is one of the biggest wastes.
But that much is obvious.
The line becomes blurry when those grievances with people you have to spend your time with arise. Maybe it’s that one freshman on your soccer team who never stops talking to you. Or maybe it’s the girl from your Spanish class who always peeks over your shoulder to see your answers. Or maybe it’s the one guy who never stops messaging the group chat even though everyone else has moved beyond it.
And I’ve been there. While it may be extremely annoying, and you may want to confide in your teammates or with a mutual friend, this only ever ends in tragedy. Because people talk.
And people talk a lot. Even those who you believe would never ever rat you out could always turn around to stab you in the back.
Eventually, it all circles back.
Even worse, I’ve found that people love to gossip about their close friends to their other friends in the same inner circle. Once they face the consequences for their gossiping, they don’t even acknowledge that they’re a part of the problem.
You’re going to argue with your friends from time to time. It’s impossible to avoid. But spreading the drama throughout the friend group doesn’t lead to a resolution—it blows a useless argument out of proportion.
The line between confiding in one friend and spreading rumors about another can easily be crossed without thinking through the consequences. And the result? Petty high school drama.
Sometimes you may not even have malicious intentions when you’re airing out your troubles. But that doesn’t mean people won’t get hurt. Often talking about someone behind their back will put them in an awkward position. They’re not sure what to do, if someone’s lying, or if you’ve truly been a bad friend.
Not only this, but bigger problems should always be resolved up front. Having an open and honest conversation will always clear things up before the “he said, she said” nonsense spirals out of control.
Talking badly about someone behind their back feels good. Especially when you’re mad. But it never addresses the root of the problem.
Keeping the business between those involved is also key—including others in your private business is often what creates even more drama.
Then again, there are some problems that simply don’t need to be discussed, and should rather be let go. And doing that on your own can be so difficult.
If you don’t release your emotions somehow, they’re going to bubble and burst out one way or another. And talking is one of the many ways to cope with stress. Often, it’s the easiest. But with friends of those you’re having drama with, it may not always be the best solution.
There’s always someone who is willing to talk to you.
For me, it’s my mom.
But for you, it may be your sister, your brother, that friend who goes to another school and listens even though she doesn’t know anyone, your cousin, or even a therapist. There’s always someone to talk to, but keeping your complaints out of your inner circle is vital to maintaining basic respect towards your peers.
Talking isn’t the only way to release your emotions either. Journaling, making art, taking a walk, making yourself a meal, or just washing your face.
Most problems don’t have a simple solution, but this one does: nowhere is safe. So keep your mouth shut.
