How to Waste Time on Google (and Love it)


Oliver Ullman, Staff Reporter

Surprisingly, Google doubles as a full-time distraction, especially for those of us who love to procrastinate. Here are 5 steps towards the path of non-stop internet entertainment.

1. Pacman:

Your personal window to nostalgia. Starting out as a commemoration of Pacman’s 30th year anniversary, Google’s pacman game found itself a permanent home at You can also play with a friend by entering in a second coin. Make sure not to get permanently stuck the in 80’s.


2. English to Beatbox:

Yes that’s right, just like it helped you in during a time of need in your Spanish class, Google Translate will now help you lay down some ‘fly’ rhythms. Set the language to German to English (Other languages sometimes work as well), and type in a sequence of fat beats yo, like the one I created: “Kkkkkkk Ds Ds Ds Bsch Bsch Bsch Bsch Bsch Bsch Bsch Bsch Pv Zk pv pv pv pv Zk Ds Pv Zk Ds Pv Zk Ds Pv Zk Ds Pv Zk Ds Pv Zk Ds Pv Zk Bsch Kk Bsch Kk Bsch Kv Kv Kv Bsch Pv Zk Pv Pv Pv Pv Pv Pv Zzk Pv kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk K K K K K bsch pkvz zkvp.” Just try not to be too cool.

3. Six Degrees of Bacon

No, this thing won’t make you bacon, but what it will do is waste your entire day. Just type in the name of any actor and the words ‘Bacon number’ and you’ll find the degrees of separation between that actor and the practically omnipresent Kevin Bacon. Based on the Erdős number, this tool ranks actors on a scale of zero to six based on their connection to Kevin Bacon. For example, Brad Pitt appeared with Kevin Bacon in the movie ‘8’, so Brad Pitt has a Bacon number of one because he directly appeared in a movie with Kevin Bacon. Jonah Hill, however, has a Bacon Number of two, because, although he never worked with Kevin Bacon, he worked with Brad Pitt, who has a Bacon Number of one. Search, and you’ll be hard pressed to find actors with a Bacon Number past two, and anyone at all who has a Bacon Number past six. Even Hellen Keller has a Bacon Number of four.

bacon number

4. Atari Breakout

On the beloved console’s 37th birthday Google decided to launch Atari Breakout, their latest tribute to the adoring gamer world. Try searching ‘Atari Breakout’ on Google Images and watch the rest of the day melt away. Just remember that sleep is more of a choice than a necessity.

5. Lost in Translation

And finally, we have one of the biggest time-wasters on Google, tampering with settings, particularly languages. Besides having the helpful ones like Spanish and French, Google also has five not-so-practical languages for you to screw around with: Pirate, Klingon (for the Trekkies), Elmer (from Looney Tunes), Bork (The language of the Muppets), and Hacker (tOotalLy ObEr l33t). You can find the language options here.